Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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