love makes seman taste better
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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