i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
