I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
