Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
