Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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