never play flip cup with pint glasses
I met the friendliest cop last night
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
