I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
