so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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