I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she smelled like a LAN party
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just high enough for therapy.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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