So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
