Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
