You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
