I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
