we have pet lesbian snakes
Too much gin, very little bucket
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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