Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
