we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
