he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize