Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
