I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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