Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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