You're completely useless in the revolution.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize