It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
