Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
