Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
