Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize