Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need moral support for this bender
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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