hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
