Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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