I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
