I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
tell me about the fingering
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
