K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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