If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
