Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize