Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
