id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
