whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
