I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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