I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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