you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
