I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
