So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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