I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
