Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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