so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I supernannyed him into submission
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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