I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
