around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
