you traded sex for a burrito?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
