And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
