and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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