smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
