So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
