And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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