Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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