Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
