So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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