I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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