She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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