omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
