i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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