You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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