You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
