So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
