The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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