Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
