I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
