I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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