4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
