your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
