I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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