haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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