I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
