I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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