You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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