I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
