Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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