I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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