so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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