I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
