foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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