And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
