Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate all girls vehemently.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
