What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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