During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
