I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
