foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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