I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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