I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
