i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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