I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
