I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The power of my boobs compel you
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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