It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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