Just cropdusted the office
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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