You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
