pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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