i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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