Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
