he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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