Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Let's get the cat blown out
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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