8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
