First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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