Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
