I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
