my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
