Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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