Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
