walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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